Behind the shades: Tears and sorrow

Thats who i am.
Today there was nothing else behind the dark sunglasses, and the black baseball cap, just a creeped soul.

My day couldnt start any better. I found long lost favorite music, met with a very important friend of mine, then it all started.

After a few hours 1 huge beer and a lot of talk, i have realised that i am ready to feel the oneness, again. I am ready to fall in love.

Then i met with the most important person of my life. I dont know if it is because since we broke up i havent had any serious relation, but i feel like i am guarding her in some way. I could be there when help is needed. I know i am not in love with her, i could easily listen to the boyfriend stories, i feel no jelousy, anger or any bad emotions. I just feel the presence of some kinda special power. Its not Love but someting deeper. Olyan mélyről jövő szeretés ami sokkal több mint a szerelem. De lehet hogy csak nem tudtam teljesen elszakadni azóta se tőle? Nem tudom.
I couldnt do what i was supposed to. To give cure, some kind of help to pass through a rough time for her. It feels like i have failed to do so.

Afterwards i realized that i am alone. I was invited to a camping beer fest of some kind, and told to bring budies. I couldnt name one single person, who could join me on that trip.
Then occured the need of a soul. I felt so fucking lonely at the table. I sat down put my sunglasses on and my black cap, that i rarely do, and without a word started to play. After a few hand ther was nothing but tears. It was weird to cry over a god damned table. I felt that i should be anywhere but playing this shit. Nobodi noticed anything except my Dealer friend Zsolt.
Afterwards i pulled myself off of this, thenZsolt started to play again video poker for the jackpot, because they feel that someone will have it very soon. He borrowed money from me. I gave it to him, but i didnt realize that i was givin' it for that. When i did it was too late.
He lost again a lot of money, but the worst part was that it wasnt him. It was a fucked up zombie, with no hope of happiness. he was swearing to the machine and with me. I let him do it. After he lost it all we tried to play some pinball as we usually do but it was no fun. THe kid had no fun at all. I couldnt even get a human reaction on him. He was frustrated and couldnt care less for the game. His mind was all about that shit.

Meanwhile i checked back to back to the poker room and the game was worst than i ever witnessed. It was horribly tight no pot no rake no tip. A big shit around the value of a 10Ft 20 Ft game.

Back at the beggining i felt that i should go home right there but i didnt, and i wasted 6 hours, and some cash on nothing, and i had to see this whole drama with Zsolt.

Later he got Krisztián's game to continue. I looked in the room and i saw a 40 year old guy with no money, only frustration. I bid farewell, and i got some kind of fuck off in my face, and now I'm here, feeling totally weak. It's like if i lost all my bankroll on a hand but no such thing happened, only a lot of time at the Gold, a huge disapointment in Zsolt, and a big emptiness found inside me.

I need a soul!